My story and 2dp3dt

27 09 2008

I never thought I would blog – I am an intensely private person and the thought of the entire world (I also tend to drift towards melodrama) knowing things about my personal life makes me cringe. However, I have been through two cycles of IVF due to male factor infertility and one of the things that really helped me through both cycles were the blogs I found. So I hope that my stepping outside of myself and sharing may help other women trying to get through this process.

I am 33 and I married to an amazing man. He is a bit older than me and already has an 18 year old son. His son lives with us and it has been great to have a little piece of family already. When I married my DH, he did not want to have any more children. I was 26 and I did not think I did either. Well, when I hit 30 my biological clock went CRAZY. We had a long road to haul but he eventually agreed that having a child would only make our family better. So, off to IVF.

IVF#1 – late April – May, 2008 – I was on gonal f and menopur and only three eggs were retrieved. I over-responded and only stimmed for 6 days. One fertilized properly and I got a BFP 8dp3dt. My first beta was 75, second (3 days later) was 159. The RE was concerned since it did not double in 48 hours but she scheduled me for an ultrasound. Well, my privacy issues stem from a control freak nature, and I insisted on another beta. It fell. I do not even remember what it was because I was so devastated. My RE termed it an “early miscarriage” and it was truly agonizing. Not to minimize my loss, but I cannot imaging losing a pregnancy further down the term or a child. One of my colleagues lost her twins at 5.5 months due to the fact her cervix was incompetent – had they known, they could have done a stitch and saved the babies. I cannot fathom the depths of that despair.

It took a little bit of time for my beta to completely fall, I then had to wait until I got a regular period – that took forever and in that time I tried to recover physically and emotionally to gear up for round 2. My clinic’s lab was closed in August so I had to wait until September 2 to start on lupron. Let me tell you – this second IVF was 10 times more challenging than the first. I am not sure if it was because I did not know what to expect, but I was so moody, so lazy and so bloated I could not stand myself. I was on 300 gonal f and 75 menopur for 7 days. This time we got 9 eggs but only 4 fertilized. We transferred two embryos – one grade a and one grade b – on day 3 on Thursday. My other two embies were grade b and were still growing as of yesterday. They will let me know if any make it to freeze. I do not even want to deal with that whole dilemma (discard, donate, adoption) until I have to.

So now I am in the lovely 2ww. I am not sure if I am a pee stick addict since I only had one IVF – but I went through about 10 tests for the first one….I know that the ovidrel trigger is out of my system because I tested the other day. I am going to start testing on Thursday, which will be 7dp3dt. I know it is a bit early…………..

So technically this is an IVFish blog, I am hoping it will turn into a pregnancy blog!

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