Still Waiting

11 10 2008

I am still waiting to get my period. I am really, really bloated but I am in much better spirits emotionally. That scares me – I am afraid there are a ton of emotions bottling up and that I will explode into a trembling, shaking, screaming and crying mess. I really just feel numb – or is it that I feel okay – I am not sure how I feel but I am trying to take care of myself. For example, yesterday I only worked for about an hour, my DH met me for lunch, I hung my thermal curtains and I organized my pantry. I know – it sounds pretty freaking boring to me too – but I think I need to do exactly that kind of stuff. I also went to play blackjack – I know gambling when we are considering how to pay for another round of treatment and/or adoption sounds pretty ridiculous – but my DH and do not drink, smoke, excessively shop, etc. so we go about twice a year. I usually win money playing blackjack but I lost a little last night. I do not play the slot machines but luckily DH does because he won a little bit of money. We then went to eat at one of our favorite restaurants – Benihana.

I had to sit next to a woman that was probably in her fifties and looked like Goldie Hawn. She was pretty drunk and getting drunker by the minute. “Goldie” was pretty inappropriate too – she tried the steak sauce and was like, “Yum, I do not even need to have sex tonight.” She then ordered a gin and tonic “with very little ice and very little tonic.” It was pretty funny but pretty sad at the same time since it was obvious she had a drinking problem.

We are trying to sell our house and we have two showings this morning so I need to clean in order to get ready for that. We have an offer on the table but it is really below any asking price we would seriously consider.

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