Tidbits of Shite, Gratitude and Angst

24 02 2009

So many mixed emotions today.  First thing – I am on my way to work and call one of my best girlfriends from work to see if she wants coffee – we stop and get each other some in the morning – and she says yes but decaf. I am like WTF she NEVER drinks decaf, so I say “WTF, are you pregnant?”   Dead silence on the other end, and then she is like, “I can’t lie to you” and I am like “Why would you” and she was like “I was going to tell you after your procedure, I am six weeks pregnant.”  (On a side note, she had really scary cramping all day – keep your fingers crossed for her)  Okay – this is after my sister – Betsy – you know I love you – tells me last week “she has something to tell me” – I am thinking cancer, my mother killed her husband and buried him in her backyard, etc. but she was like “Steve and I are going to try and get pregnant again.”  Finally – later today, a male atto.rney that I work with – his wife was pregnant and miscarried right around my first loss – I find out she is pregnant today and he was like “I felt funny telling you”.  

So I call Mr. M after I find out my first friend mentioned above is preggers – and say how happy I am for her and how sad I am for me – he was like, “just be happy, don’t let this take over your whole world, don’t wallow in it.”  I think it is from going on and off of the bcp but I wanted to freak out and be like – “you haven’t seen wallowing!! etc. etc.”

AARRGGHH – let me first say that I am truly happy for all of the above people – really, truly happy for THEM.  I am sad for myself of course but I can separate that and still be happy for them – BUT – I feel like a total bitch – these people are trying to spare my feelings and that makes me feel angry.  Is that twisted or what?

Also, my firm announced 2009 salary freezes – here comes the gratitude – I really do not care – I am grateful I have a job that I love and if it saves other people from getting laid off, I will stay at this salary for another year.

Finally, I am looking forward to my baseline appointment tomorrow!



10 responses

24 02 2009

I just found out that two of my friends are pregnant this week. Well, I can be happy for them, it really makes me boil when people say things like, “I didn’t want to tell you.” Makes me want to scream. Of course I’m going to be sad, but don’t try to save me from myself….bunch of pity-throwers. Oops…now I’m getting angry again…

Sorry to hear about everyone’s news and about the salary freeze. I can’t wait to see the light at the end of the tunnel with this economy.

24 02 2009
Mo and Will

YOU ARE NOT WALLOWING! Ok. Sorry. Just wanted to say that firmly. It is completely normal to be happy for your friends and sad for yourself. Although I’m sure he meant well, Mr. M is just plain wrong on this one (sorry, Mr. M).

Hang in there : )


24 02 2009

You are human, it’s hard whe everyone around is getting what you so desperately want. (((HUGS)))

GL at baseline.

24 02 2009

Ach. You’re allowed to be sad, but it’s just irritating when people try to protect you from being sad – like you might not notice them starting to look, um, pregnant?

Does seem like it never rains (for other people) but it pours (again, for other people.) Maybe this, however, will be the time that you, too, get soaked in the storm. Here’s hoping for a hell of a storm that drenches us all, every last one of us!

25 02 2009

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this right now. I think only someone in our shoes will understand what it is to feel happy for a pregnant friend while at the same time feeling sad for oneself. Not twisted at all. And – you’re not wallowing! You’re normal and you’re human!

Sorry about the salary freeze – but I’m proud that you’re ok with it. Many people would crib.

Good luck at baseline tomorrow!

25 02 2009

It is really tough when everyone else seems to be pregnant, but you. It sounds as though you have handled their pregnancy news very graciously. I hope you feel proud of yourself!

25 02 2009

Is it just me or when you are trying to get pregnant.. everyone and their cousin is.

and ya show him wallowing.. men eh??!

good luck on the BL

25 02 2009
Maria (MKC101103)

Good luck at your baseline. EJ and I have all of our fingers and toes crossed for you!

26 02 2009

It is so difficult to hear that friends are pregnant and I totally understand how you are feeling. I am sorry:(

2 03 2009
Just me

Oh goodness. I understand those feelings…

My husband tends to have the same reaction when I’ve had situations like that happen. I can’t tell if it really bothers me that much more than it bothers him, or if he’s trying to downplay it so that I don’t know that he is feeling badly about it as well. Once in a while I get a glimmer that maybe this is harder for him then he lets on….

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