Tears of a Clow.n

1 03 2009

WARNING – MUSINGS OF A STIMMED OUT CRAZY LADY.  Okay – I love Smokey’s lyrics to this song – but more than that – ladies (and a few gents), ladies – it is only the start of day 3 on stims – yes, I know, I am on huge ass loads of stims – but I CANNOT STOP CRYING.  I made Mr.  M and his son a huge breakfast this morning – scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese, buttermilk pancakes and bacon.  I was and am so grateful for Mr. M – and his son has been a joy living with us – I was just so happy, I started to CRY while cooking.  I sucked it up, had a great breakfast (as per my last post, I only had two pieces of bacon and a bowl of cereal) and went on with my day, which involved hanging out with Mr. M and unpacking.  Mr. and I were kissing and I started CRYING.  I felt so fat and I had recent dental work done so I felt like a big ugly mess and just lost it.  Mr. M was really wonderful and hugged me and said that he cannot imagine what it must feel like.  Then, later, Mr. M was unpacking pictures and came across my cat Sophie – we had to put her to sleep about 2 years ago – she was 10 and had kidney disease.  I started crying then too.  

So the first two outbreaks were crazy, I know, but I am starting to cry now thinking of Sophie again.  How in the hell am I going to get through another – AT LEAST – six days of stims???  Six more days of stims that are fit for an octogenarian?  SPOILER – IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS IN STIMS, DO NOT READ ON!!!  More urine of post menopausal women and hamster ovaries (spoiler – sorry girls – yes that is what is in stims) than I can imagine being coursed through my bloodstream.  Finally, I WANT COFFEE.  NOT THAT F’IN HORRID DECAF NONSENSE.   I found some decaf while I was unpacking – it was a gift from a friend from work – he went to Dis.ney with his kids and brought me back a three pack – I wanted to stab Mick.ey’s decaffeinated face with the scissors while I was cutting it open (okay – it really isn’t that bad) let’s make it more melodramatic …while playing the anji meditation in the background really, really loudly!!



6 responses

1 03 2009

I am sorry you are so emotional. Have a cuppa, it won’t hurt anything!

1 03 2009

Urine?! Seriously?! I’m never going to look at my stims the same way again.

I’m sorry that you are feeling sad. I say let the tears come, and if that doesn’t work I agree with Emily. Have a cup…

2 03 2009

More urine is from the growing ovaries pushing on the bladder I think. And we want those ovaries to grow grow grow – and get you a bunch of follicles.

HUGS to you – I’m sorry you’re riding the roller coaster that stims bring with them!

And I agree with both Emily and kirke – have a cup. It will make you feel better. Don’t overdo it, but don’t make yourself miserable either!

2 03 2009

Lisa, thanks so much for all the support you’ve given me on my blog – it means so much! I wish you all the luck and I’m praying for you too. Stay strong!
BTW, I live about 20 minutes north of Kennebunkport where you got married – Maine is amazing, isn’t it?

2 03 2009

Sorry it’s so hard. Stims are the worst, but I’m hoping that they’re all worth it in the end. Hang in there, and cry if you need to. You’re in my thoughts. Oh, and I nominated you for an award. Details on my blog.

2 03 2009

I don’t think having a cup will hurt! I know it’s really hard! I’m sorry that you’re so emotional, but it will pass. In the meantime, if you wanna cry, just cry. No guilt!

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