Hope; Miffed at Clinic; Clio’s Award

4 03 2009

Am I a glutton for shite?  I am really, really hopeful about this cycle and I feel like this is the “one”.  Am I setting myself up for total and utter heartbreak and failure????  I am not scared, it is weird, I am just so excited to get to retrieval and get my embies in me – I really feel like it is going to happen.  I was terrified last time and I am just pure hope now…

So, Will from another blog I frequent made me think about my disconnection.  I commented that sometimes I laugh with Mr. M and it is like I found something I had lost – it makes me sad.  It never used to be this way – I think I am so preoccupied with IVF, with my losses, with the next step, that I tend to forget and take my amazing life, my amazing husband – and yes – even my amazing job for granted.  I so want to feel connected and to make sure that my husband feels connected to me.  I do recognize that we only have so much we can give and only so much a person can manage, but Will’s post reminded me of how very bittersweet life is.

Now for my minor bitch session – I called my RE’s office today to ask about my dosage to see if they really thought about if it was adequate enough to shake those small follies loose and to see if we need to start thinking about rescheduling Mr. M’s PESA.  The nurse told me that Dr. X thinks we are on the right path – and I said, well what does Dr. Y (my RE) say?  The nurse then tells me my RE is on vacation…I immediately got pissed – no one told me and I am not all that thrilled with the other RE…but I did not freak, I just simply asked that my RE be updated when she calls in, which apparently she does talk to Dr. X everyday.  I admit that I did like what Dr. X said – that she did not care about my 16mm follie, that if we lose that to gain some of the other 9 under 10, that would be okay.  It is just the two of them in their practice and they probably switch off all the time but for f’s sake, tell me.  The good thing is, I am not freaking out about it.  I have an u/s tomorrow morning that should be indicative of what is going to happen.

Finally, Clio nominated me for an award – thanks, Clio – you remind me to stay connected as well.

Here are the rules:  
What is expected is that I need to –
1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

1) I would rather read than do just about anything else.
2) I do not like authority figures.
3) I apply Pascal’s Wager to just about everything.
4) I love Greek and Roman history.
5) I love to travel but have never been outside of the country (except Mexico and Canada)
6) I wish that the desire to have a child would go away some days.
7) I don’t brush my teeth twice a day.
8) I had a workaholic moment of clarity about 1.5 years ago and now try to work saner hours.
9) I hate work drama and avoid it at all costs.
10) I hate the underlying reasons but I love the blogging sisterhood our struggles have given me.

I nominate the following ladies:

4) ABGS;
5) G;
6) PJ; and



9 responses

4 03 2009
Just me

That hope dilemma always gets me too… Is it better to have high hopes and be disappointed or to expect the worst?

I admit to being a total geek, but I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack yesterday and one of the songs has a lyric:

Don’t wish, don’t start
Wishing only wounds the heart

That’s exactly how I feel, yet I just can’t help it each month… that little bit of hope is still hiding in there…

4 03 2009

Thanks so much for the award, so sweet of you 🙂

BTW – I would rather read than do just about anything else too!

Wishing you so much GL with this cycle!

5 03 2009

I think it’s best to hope for the best and expect the worst. Stay realistic, but hey, a girl can dream and be hopeful right? Hang on to that hope too!!

Sorry about the glitch at your clinic – I hope you find out more tomorrow! When is your RE coming back from vacation?

5 03 2009

Thanks for the award…

I too would be angry if the RE went on holidays..It seems these clinics well mostly the nurses I end up with really are short on the compassion chips..like come on give us some reassurance it goes along ways..

Good Luck…I am so excited for you i check your blog daily sometimes more then that…

5 03 2009

Oh… hope is such a good thing. I wish I had more of that. For this cycle, I am going to try and stay positive through the whole thing and give the mental-state-also-matters a run for its money. Let’s see what happens!

BTW, thanks a lot for the sisterhood award. It was nice of you to do that.

5 03 2009

Thank you!!!

5 03 2009

Thank you!!!

5 03 2009

I had my ET and ET with a different doctor than my RE. And now I just learned that my original RE has left my clinic. So for me, right now, no big deal since the one that’s there is the same that did the actual procedures on me. But, hell, they could bother to inform us of these things, couldn’t they?
I hope you had a good u/s this morning. I’m crossing my fingers for you this cycle and I believe that your positive and hopeful attitude can only help. 🙂

5 03 2009
Mrs. Spit

Thanks for the award. I do awards, but alas, did this one a few weeks ago, and I’m not so interesting that I can think of more interesting things about me!

Thanks for nominating me, I really appreciate it!

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