2dp3dt of Sweetness (mixed with tears, guilt and hope)

14 03 2009

Mr. M took my breath away today and made me cry like a girl.  Today’s sweetness is all about him (and hazelnut chocolate).  As most of you know, the 2ww is fraught with mixed emotions, the amazing side effects from the PIO, fear and hope.  Well this morning I was thinking about what if this does not work (it has to work) but what if it does not…so I was going back through my CCRM stuff and thinking about Plan B.  I mentioned that to Mr. M and his face looked like I kicked him in the babymaker…I may have mentioned this before, but Mr. M originally did not want to try to have any more kids.  It is a long story but obviously he is on board now…mostly.  I thought the look on his face was like – “let’s just be done with this already”.  We agreed not to talk about it right then and there.  About an hour later I was sitting on the couch and he came over, slightly teared up, and said “I love you.  I will do whatever it takes”.  I immediately started sobbing with relief, guilt and fear.  I just clung to him, crying, and he told me he knows how committed I am to having our child and that he is in it for the long haul.  Amazing.  He. is. simply. amazing.  That being said, at that moment, I wished that it would all just go away – the desire to have a baby – I wanted (and still want on some level that likes to protect my sanity) to banish that desire forever.  It also made me feel better about this cycle – I will not give up hope yet – there is no reason to.  I had an 8 cell, a 5 cell and a 4 cell and babies have come from all sizes of embryos, including those.  I started to think about all the things my clinic may have done wrong and that is definitely not where I need to focus my energy right now.

So, now for a list of sweet things today:

1) My 12 year old dog Shelly ran around the yard like she was a puppy.

2) Chocolate with hazelnuts in it – enough said.

3) Movies – we are going to see Watch.men.

4) My sisters.  



7 responses

14 03 2009

Mr. M sounds an awful lot like Mr. Sprogblogger. Here’s to the men in our lives who get it right (at least most of the time, on the really important things.)

And I still have a hell of a lot of hope for you, this cycle. Hang tough. This is the worst part of the whole process, I think. Be strong (and eat more chocolate!)

14 03 2009

Sometimes I too wish I could get rid of this desire to have a baby. Life could have been simpler that way huh?

Mr M sounds so great – thank goodness for our DHs who are on board and who get it, and will do whatever it takes!

Good luck with this cycle – I hope you don’t have to fall upon your backup plan!

14 03 2009

What a sweet hubby! It is so good to know you are in this together! Enjoy the movie & your weekend!

14 03 2009

Hey Lisa,
Wow, what an emotional day. I’m so glad that Mr M is on board. The desire to have a baby is so strong for many of us. I guess that’s why we are willing to put ourselves through all this.
You are doing so well!! I’m praying for a great outcome for you.

14 03 2009

that *is* a lot of emotion in one day! especially when you are pumped with hormones! 😉

enjoy the movie and your time together!

14 03 2009

That is just so sweet. It made me tear up. Challenges like this have the power to tear you apart or make you realize just how much you mean to each other. I’m glad you are in the latter!

Good luck this month. Waiting is so tough.

15 03 2009

I heart your blog, with all the stress and all the realm of emotions of TTC the IVF way, I can come here and read. You are so humble and thankful even with all you are dealing with.

Sounds like you have a amazing Mr.

still have everything crossed for you!

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