Thank You; Holding Out Hope

14 07 2009

Thank you all so much for your support – I cannot tell you how much it means to me right now.   I am extremely exhausted – not enough sleep last night, high emotion and too much work.   Sprog – your post today made me cry at work – it was perfect and true.  I try to make light of things too – because I feel guilty about being so neurotic about all of this stuff – and I hate when people poo-poo what I feel.  And, like you, I am going to be scared – probably quite a bit – and I am going to be neurotic at times.  That is who I am.  

My blood work results below could not be better but Thursday, when they repeat my hcg, will be very telling:

1) It is 6:28 pm and I have not had any more bleeding/spotting.  If I can make it through tonight and tomorrow, the tiny sliver of hope that I have may grow;

2) My beta was 52 (they consider me 11dpo – I had the IVI 12 days ago and the IUI 11 days ago);

3) My progesterone was over 40 (they quit measuring after that level); and

4) My estrogen was 183.

So, on paper I look like a dream. 

In real life, I look like a zombie – I am so tired.

I am trying to think that the bleeding was 1) irritation from the suppositories; 2) one of a multiple pregnancy not making it (this is a horrible thought – I never wish a demise of one of mine so I feel weird putting it down) or 3) my lining being too juicy.

I am going to try not to focus on my lighter hpt – I had just gone to the bathroom at 3:30am and the hpt was at 5:30. 

Thank you all – again – for all of your support.

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26 responses

14 07 2009
sprogblogger

YES!!!! Oh LIsa, I spent all day sneaking onto the internet just to check & see how you were. So glad. Tears in my eyes – the best kind of tears – so very happy. Hang in there, little poppy seed! Hang in there! It sounds like you’ve got a fighter, and you’ve completely made my day for the second time this week.

So very happy for you!

14 07 2009
Leah

I too stalked your blog looking for the beta results. I’m thrilled to see they are good, although I promise to remain restrained until Thursdays numbers. Also, I was going to say that I hoped it was just your juicy lining, but since it sounds so damned dirty, I needed to qualify it. 🙂

14 07 2009
theworms

Great beta! I know your anxious about beta #2, praying it doubles and triples 🙂 GL

14 07 2009
Nikki

I’m hoping and praying for you Lisa! Going to light a candle for you right now – and keeping my fingers crossed for doubling numbers!!!! **HUGS**

14 07 2009
Niki

Now that’s the news I’ve been waiting to hear all day! Your beta, progesterone, and estrogen levels are all perfect. I will be thinking of you and hoping for a strong doubling of your beta! I just might have to sneak onto your blog to check on you when I’m in Alaska. Congrats girl you are pregnant and I’m cheering that little bean on! ((HUGS))

14 07 2009
Demara

Well this is nice to hear…some parts anyway. I hope you get some more well needed sleep. Zombies need their sleep! 🙂

14 07 2009
Mrs.spit

That’s what we are here for.

14 07 2009
noswimmers

Thinking of you…
xoxo

14 07 2009
musicmakermomma

That is a great beta, especially since it is only day 12. Thinking of you as you wait, good luck!

15 07 2009
Elizabeth

Hi — here by way of Sprgblogger, by way of I-can’t-whistle, and just wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking of you all day and sending my thoughts and prayers for your pregnancy to grow stronger and for you to get some peace and rest and reassurance. I am hopeful for your hopefulnes. Warmly,
Elizabeth

15 07 2009
mylifechronicles

I am going to hold onto that dream for you. Even though I truly hope that your poppy seed sticks… Yeah embie stick stick please… We will all holding and rooting for you and supporting you through this. I am so hopeful for this to work. Praying and thinking of you till your next beta.

15 07 2009
MsbelB

So happy to read your post. It’s really one step at a time isn’t it. I have been lurking on your blog and my heart broke for you when I read your evening post with the bleeding. I had bleeding like yours but a bit later and was told it was because my cervix was being pushed out slightly as it started its growth. this meant that a bit of the lining was also pushed out leading to small bit of blood and a few days of spotting. i know it could be one of 100 things but just wanted to give you another possibility that ended well based on my own experience. Wishing you so much luck.

15 07 2009
Kate

That’s a great beta for so early on. Hope the great news continues from here on out…

15 07 2009
Sue

That is a beautiful strong number (especially for being so early)! I will say this…I have seen that kind of bleeding before and then a successful twin pregnancy…so this very well may be it for you!!!(of course, it not a very relaxing, happy positive hpt day – IF takes so much away from us!). I hope the bleeding continues to subside and you have a huge beautiful doubling beta tomorrow!

15 07 2009
agplatters

So glad your test results are good and spotting has stopped. There is so much anxiety with early pregnancy when you’ve been through losses. I hope you get additional good news tomorrow and can just make it through today.

15 07 2009
kirke

Your numbers are so strong! I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure the stress of spotting. I’m crossing everything that you get more good news!!

15 07 2009
emily

I am just getting caught up now, but what an emotional rollercoaster this has been. I am so sorry about the bleeding. I know it felt all too familiar to you. Numbers look fantastic. Hoping beyond hope that this is your miracle!!

15 07 2009
ashley

That’s an awesome beta number for where you are! I know it’s hard to be hopeful–God knows you’ve been through so much–but we’re all here holding hope for you.

15 07 2009
mkc101103

I’m so glad your results were so good!! Prayers will continue through your next beta tomorrow!!!!

15 07 2009
Sarah

I am so glad they gave you a beta. There is nothing, nothing worse than having bleeding when you are waiting for the beta, and being told “well, even if you are pregnant, there is nothing we can do at this point, so it’s our policy to not test before x day etc”.

c’mon little one(s) hang in there! Mama needs you!

15 07 2009
mekate

Beautiful beautiful numbers Lisa,
and I have more than a sliver of hope for you but oh man I get the cautious part of cautious optimism. You are in my thoughts
and
cannot wait to see tomorrows reassuring numbers!
breathe and sleep if you can
warmly,
Kate

15 07 2009
Echloe

O.K. well I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you for Thursday. Hang in there.

And thank you for all of your support too. Your kind words have meant a lot to me these last couple of months.

15 07 2009
peeveme

Great numbers. Try to breath between now and Thursday’s results (easier said that done).

I was thinking it could have been implantation bleeding. I had that this time around…I freaked out a bit but it was just a sign of a strong emby borrowing into a good lining.

15 07 2009
clio

oh my dear, you’re having quite the eventful week… I’m glad to hear that your numbers are so dreamy. I’m very happy for you that you are pregnant and I totally understand all your fears at this time. May this baby stick around, may you feel safer and be able to soon relax (at least a little bit) into this blessing. Hugs

15 07 2009
bellaandherfella

Loads of doubling dust your way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15 07 2009
sprogblogger

Hey there Lisa, Just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you and that I’ll be stalking your blog tomorrow until you update. Hoping all is well, sweetie.

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