Trying to be Strong

14 07 2009

I am trying to be strong.  Honestly.  Last night’s bleeding has shook me.  Part of me wants to call work and be like – I need a 10 day leave – I just want to breakdown and deal with this.  On the other hand, I should not be surprised.  Really.  So, the bleeding/spotting stopped last night but that is my pattern.  Pink and red spotting followed by brown.  Then diarrhea – which I had this morning, sorry for the tmi.  Then later today, I should probably have watery red bleeding with a full flow either tonight or tomorrow sometime.  

I left a few messages with my clinic – I am just going to show up there before work and make them do bloodwork.  My new RE is on vacation and again, like last time, I want to have this pregnancy documented and know where the numbers are.  I think that they were rising up until last night, check out the pics below.

This was from last night at 9:20ish.

IMG_0653

These were from this morning:

IMG_0664IMG_0662

And this is a comparison between last night’s and this morning’s – it is definitely lighter this morning.  

IMG_0663

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21 responses

14 07 2009
Caroline

Sweetie – I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is terrible. I am here for you. x

14 07 2009
sprogblogger

Oh god, no. Ah shit, this is so fucking not fair. I’ll be the one to hold out hope here, because that’s what I do, but goddamn it all to hell. I’m so very sorry – and you know what? If you can, DO take the time off work. Don’t try to be strong for anyone other than yourself. I’m so sorry, sweetie. You’re in my thoughts & I’ll be watching for updates. Here’s hoping for a no-bleeding update a bit later on…

14 07 2009
Sue

I really hope that this is just a scare. It is crazy. You just are fertile as anything but then everything goes so fast! Have they done immune testing? Argh!!! I am so frustrated for you. I hope that things are fine and this is just a scary thing..maybe there are 2 they always say you bleed like crazy with two or three.

14 07 2009
strongblonde

i definitely agree with the other ladies and hope that this is just a brief scare.

thinking lots about you! xoxo

14 07 2009
Niki

Lisa, of course you are scared, particularly because of your history of loss. Bleeding in pregnancy is scary period. I know you don’t want anyone to try to give you hope, so I won’t do that. However, I like Sprogblogger will hold out hope for you. I’m glad that you are going to your RE’s office this morning to demand a test. I say do whatever it is that you need to do for you. I’m thinking of you and here for you if you need to talk (you know where to find me). ((HUGS))

14 07 2009
Darya

😦

I really hope you are being paranoid and it’s not what you think it is. I am thinking about you.

14 07 2009
Nikki

**HUGS** to you. Thinking of you, and here for you all the way – whichever way this goes. I think you should go ahead and take that time off from work – you’re dealing with enough crap right now! I am still going to hold on to hope for you. Take care of yourself…

14 07 2009
iamstacey

I hope what you think isn’t happening for you. Sending you {{{hugs}}} and good thoughts. Let us know how it goes at the doc’s office.

14 07 2009
mylifechronicles

This just absolutely blows!!! I am so sorry… hon. I know you don’t want to hear things like that. But really really sucks. I will be thinking of you and hope that you get through this phase as fast as possible. ((HUGS)). And like e eryone else said, take time off from work if you can. At least you can avoid nosy coworkers at this time. Take care…

14 07 2009
Kate

I sure hope you’re wrong about how things are going to progress from here! I think HPTs can be a bit of a mind-fuck, because if your urine is a little less concentrated than the last test you took, you can think it’s all over when it’s not. I hope they give you serial betas NOW to help you figure out what’s going on.
Best of luck…

14 07 2009
noswimmers

I am hoping and praying that this worrying is for nothing. At the same time I understand why you’re worried/upset.

Thinking of you…

xoxo

14 07 2009
mkc101103

Sweetie I cannot believe you are going through this right now. I’m sorry I missed your past few days of posts. You know how this merry-go-round goes so you don’t need any pep talk from me. Just know I’m praying that this works out for you. HUGS!

14 07 2009
musicmakermomma

sorry you are in the middle of this scare – hopefully it will turn out for the best. I know there is nothing helpful for me to say, just that I’m out here thinking of you and hoping. Take care

14 07 2009
peeveme

Like everyone else I am so sorry and hope that this is just a stupid blip that turns out to bit nothing.

But you know your history and I am hoping your RE’s office gets you in there at least for some piece of mind…some answers.

I know progesterone can’t save a pregnancy but I would take some extra progesterone just in case it’s low and that is what is causing the bleeding. (And suppositories can cause bleeding..ok…shutting up now).

14 07 2009
K

Well, I’m joing the crowd (albeit late) in saying that I’m very very very sad for you. And sorry that you have to deal with this shit. Again. It’s not fair at all. I wish there was something I could do or something profound I could say, and I’m sorry you’re home alone. I would be there with you. I’m in agreement with Sprog. Take the time off if you can. And, I think maybe there are some more tests to be had somewhere. There just has to be. But I don’t know what. Thinking of you…
K

14 07 2009
Echloe

Deep down I think that this is just a scare. You can’t go by darkness of lines on HPTs. And diarrhea is a type of M/S. So that could be all it is. The bleeding could be from a subchorionic hematoma or somthing that will resolve itself. I’m going to think positive thoughts for you sweetie. Hang in there.

14 07 2009
bellaandherfella

Damn damn damn. Crossing everything for you sweetie!

14 07 2009
mekate

Oh sweet Lisa, damn damn damn damn damn damn damn.
and some more of that with crap on top.
seriously now.

I want you to take care of you the best you can– do take some time off if you can.
you deserve to just focus on you right now. I am so sorry you are having to go through this and hate it all the more for the word “again”– there is nothing about this that is fair.

my heart aches for you and please know that if I could do something magical to make it different, I sure would.

Id’ be fine with a miracle here. But in the meantime, know I send you warm healing thoughts and a lot of swear words to use at your discretion.

warmly,
kate

14 07 2009
ashley

I’m still holding out hope. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. IT JUST F’ING SUCKS.

14 07 2009
Beth

My heart is breaking for you. I so want you to be wrong and misreading everything. I will still be hopeful for you.

15 07 2009
Demara

Your lucky!

I have done SO many of those stupid tests but NONE proved positive…yet.

I ‘hope’ it’s not just a false alarm for you.

And THX for stopping by Yokoso, but most importantly thanks for letting me know 🙂

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