Hating the Fear

25 07 2009

I know it is too early to have reliable symptoms.  I know it is too early to have m/s all the time.  I intellectually know that morning sickness comes and goes.

BUT.  I woke up again in the middle of the night but I was not as nauseous the last two nights as I was.  I was not as nauseated yesterday as I have been.  

I had mild cramping on and off all day yesterday, with some shooting pains on my right side (probably the enlarged ovary).  I ran to the bathroom to check for blood a thousand times.  There was never any blood.  But I think that even if it is all lost the progesterone would keep me from bleeding.  

I want to sleep until Friday and then see a heartbeat.  I know that all symptoms can come and go but it sucks and I am scared and I wish I wasn’t.

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15 responses

25 07 2009
Caroline

Oh sweetie – I feel for you. Everything that you are going through is completely normal and an indication that the pregnancy is progressing well. Don’t forget the great ultrasound you had a few days ago. Hang in there!

25 07 2009
sprogblogger

I know. All I can say is “I know”.
Well, that and to remind you that I honestly believe this one is going to work out for you. Really & truly. Your numbers have been great, your ultrasound was fantastic – try not to worry. (I know, I’m funny, yes?)

If I could sleep through the next 7 months, I’d be all over that idea. A coma sounds like a blissful retreat from fear right now.

Hang in there, sweetie. Thinking about you.

25 07 2009
Niki

Damn right you are scared … not because you have reason to be, but because you have a history. I’m scared too and I’m not even the one carrying our babies, yet I go through the same things wondering if K is having as strong of symptoms, etc.. I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. I’m thinking of you and believing that this time WILL be different! ((HUGS))

25 07 2009
Mrs. Spit

I’m sorry. I wish I could say something to make things better. Could you talk to your doctor about running another beta?

25 07 2009
emily

It is scary. I hope you are able to find some peace…

25 07 2009
Sarah

If only the fear would not come and go, just go, but alas it doesn’t. I’ll be thinking of you.

25 07 2009
MabelB

This time is the hardest of all and I really feel for you, the panic and fear is horrid. Just try to focus on all the great things about this pregnancy, better than textbook numbers, a perfect scan etc etc. There is no reason at all that anything should go wrong. Every day you get through with this baby makes it more likely that the pregnancy will work out. Hang in there.

25 07 2009
Demara

aw!

hearing the heart {{{beat}}} will be a wonderful thing to hear…maybe focus on that!! thinking positive 🙂

sending you a ‘feel-better-pill’

25 07 2009
T

Thinking of you, hoping flies by till your next u/s..

25 07 2009
Mo

Lisa

Just catching up after being away. All I can say is WOW!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Awesome news. I totally hear you about the fear. 100%. I think unfortunately it just goes with the territory after everything we’ve been through. I’m trying to just accept it rather than fight it, recognize it as what it is, normal, after having had bad things happen in the past. As Niki said, you have a history. And that gives that fear a foothold that only time can help. That said, Lisa, I am SO SO EXCITED for you!!!!!! Yaaaayyy!!!!!

Mo

25 07 2009
Amanda

Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you. These are tough times, the first trimester is terrible when it comes to stress and worry (which could also affect your sleeping too), just a few more days till that ultrasound.

Praying for you, but I think you’ll be okay this time. That cramping could be just your body making room for baby, stretching…especially when it’s only on one side rather than all around.

25 07 2009
Melissa G

I don’t blame you for every drop of fear you’re feeling. Wish I could fix it for you.

BIG hugs!

26 07 2009
sprogblogger

Just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you. Hugs & cups of (noncaffeinated) tea. Hang in there.

26 07 2009
mekate

fear sucks rocks
and as I’ve said a million times, we can’t unknow what we know, and we can’t unexperience what we’ve been through– you have every right to be worried and scared, I just wish you didn’t have to!

I hope time flies between now and friday and that friday brings all good things. A little reassurance goes a long way, I know.

Sending love,
Kate

26 07 2009
Ashley

I’m sorry for all of this fear!
I can’t wait for your u/s–wishing you a blissful week of just sleeping!!
hang in there!

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