10dpivi and 9dpiui: VFP at 7:30 this morning. *update – the one I took at 3:00 was an even fainter positive but the line is there – I did not see it last night* Yes!!!!! AND I HAVE NOT HAD ANY SPOTTING. NONE. The last few positives have been accompanied by bleeding. I will say that there may have been a tiny speck of brown one day and a tiny speck of red another but they were so, so tiny and I am using those supps that I really just ignored them. I actually got nervous because I thought I would have implantation spotting, which is what I thought I was having with all of my losses save the first, and I really had nothing. This. could. be. it.
I will try to post a picture later *updated – it is below* – the line is so, so faint. I am simultaneously in shock and not in shock. I posted all of my symptoms below – I was too embarrassed to post them as the days passed, I thought, “What if I am not pregnant, I will seem like a crazy person!” – the below just seemed too crazy, I HAD TO be pregnant. So, yes, I am pregnant, I am pregnant, I am pregnant. I am going to keep that promise I made to myself – I am going to enjoy every single second. Every single one. I am going to put my ticker up, even if my world crumbles and I have to take it down tomorrow. I am going to buy a bella band, although with how I have been feeling I may lose weight. I still have the worst metal mouth. I woke Mr. M up to tell him – he is so happy, he hugged and squeezed me and was just so happy. I am going to beg for every symptom and appreciate it when I have them. I am going to try not to complain one bit about m/s.
I have definitively felt pregnant since 7dpiui. I wonder if I am pregnant with an egg(s) that was fertilized by the IVI or the IUI? Hmmm, this is so exciting!!!! I am going to call my new RE’s office and see how they handle positive hpts and if they can squeeze me in for some early beta madness – I will beg, especially based on my early loss history but if they do not – I am going to enjoy every single minute. *update – they called back – I did not beg – and the nurse was like – we don’t test until 13 days after the procedure – and made an appointment for Friday. She was nice but she was like – sometimes those kits give false positives but that she hoped it was right…I was nice too and told her that they have been accurate for me in the past.*
Okay, I will let a little fear slip in – I am scared. I have a few rumblings in my stomach that I have always associated with my miscarriages. I am scared since I felt sicker a few days ago (could be a vanishing twin, could be nothing). I am scared but I will try not to let that win.
Okay, my symptoms from the last few days:
7dpivi and 6dpiui: My hopes are going up. I had a horrid, metallic taste in my mouth all day – so bad, that I in fact asked a summ.er in.tern to get me gum during a court case this morning – that is psychotic for me to do – I never, ever ask anyone to do errands like that for me but I could not leave and it was awful – still is, like I am munching on pennies and nickels. Smells starting to bother me. Nips burning a bit. Had a wave of crazy nausea before lunch, which was at a fancy steakhouse but I could not think about ordering steak and I barely ate my entree. Had some AF cramping. Had a few waves of dizziness at night. Just thinking about the pizza my DH got made me want to run and hide. Yeah, my hopes are up – please do not let them be crushed. Please do not let my hopeful mind be playing tricks on me. Okay, I went to eat some chip.s ahoy cookies with some milk – I took two sips of the milk – the milk was sour – I ate it for breakfast too in cereal probably not that much and it tasted fine…could that have caused my nausea???? I am such a freak.
8dpivi and 7dpiui: Okay, since I felt like a freak for having the above symptoms so early, I consulted Dr. Google and many of them can be explained by higher levels of progesterone and estrogen – which are all good signs for a potential pregnancy. I will say that I had a fear that there was an army implanting in my uterus. So, this morning – I am pretty nauseous – I woke up at 5:00 feeling nauseated. My nips also feel a bit sensitive. Minor cramping. Puh-lease let this be it. I gagged and threw up a bit while brushing my teeth – before I get excited – it may be from the sour milk yesterday…can you imagine if I am sick from sour milk????? Or if there is salmonella now racing through my body, killing or maiming any potential life? As you can guess, I googled the shit out of sour milk and all sources say it is fine – like sour cream and yogurt. So I am not freaking out as much but not going to read too much into my symptoms now…I felt nauseous throughout the day. I had an event I had to go to – we had to do some fast walking and about 20 seconds of running – I started to get cramps like AF was coming. I went to the bathroom to check for blood – I was sure it was going to be there – and there was nothing. I was very, very tired all day as well.
9dpivi and 8dpiui: Well, I tested this morning – BFN – so on the one hand I was a bit bummed, even though I intellectually know it is too damn early for most women to get a bfp and my earliest was 10dpiui after my first natural iui. On the other hand, I am happy it was a bfn, there is a lesser chance of trips or quads!!! I am a bit nauseous this morning , it does not feel as bad as it did yesterday but it is still there and smells are still bothering me, especially the cheese I give my dogs in the morning. My nips are very sensitive. I made Mr. M look at my girls – without telling him what to ask for – and he said that he thought my nips looked darker – they do – just very, very, very slightly. Wow. This. could. be. it. If I am not pregnant, I need my head examined. I thought that the past few days like, why am I feeling all of this stuff so early? My mouth still tastes like metal but seems lesser than yesterday. I am freaking out and thinking that this is going to be another early miscarriage and that I am doomed. I had some twitches in the ute last night and some cramping on my right and my lower back this morning.
I went to work – stopped at a drive-in coffee place for a raspberry italian soda (major craving) and literally gagged in my car when they opened the window and I smelled all of the coffee. WOW. Sprogger – you may understand the craziness of this as I think we share the obsession of coffee – it. made. me. gag. wow. I got to work and the metal taste in my mouth was back with a vengeance. I then talked to my little sister – she too feels pregnancy symptoms very early and told me that her nausea came and went and that is normal. Made me feel much better. I felt nauseous and tired all day at work. I came home, craving sugar, picked up an apple pie and ate it with ice cream. YUM!!! I have been doing a lot of mouth breathing as everything stinks – especially mr. m’s cool ran.ch dor.itos. I am going to eat steamed veggies, chicken and shrimp tonight for dinner. I am really hoping for a bfp tomorrow morning. Okay, I ate and had to focus on not throwing it up. I did not eat much so it is now 9:30 and I had a lean cuisine pizza – I was craving chicken fried rice but Mr. M ate all of it and I wanted to rip his head off. Love hormones. So now I am feeling a bit nauseated. Please let this be it.