Positive Thinking or Drug Induced Haze?

3 12 2008

I feel really good – I am really positive about the future, I am excited to try again, I am looking forward to my phone consult with my RE next Wednesday, I am enjoying my job – which I just got home from about ten minutes ago – and I am just happy. I am not going to read too much into it but, like a lot of people I know, I started to question whether it was genuine or a drug induced haze? I have been on hormones from every end of the spectrum in the last few weeks. Frankly, I just do not care why I am so happy, I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.

I am not really feeling any other side effects from the Provera – my left ovary was singing the blues earlier today – that is about it.

I also have a phone consult scheduled with CCRM for January 6 – they sent me the paperwork to fill out – good grief – I think it would be easier to take and interpret my own DNA sample.

I hope all of you ladies out there are finding peace and happiness tonight. Thanks for the support.


IVF#3 is a Bust

2 12 2008

Well, my instincts yesterday were correct. I responded to the drugs exactly the way I did for the first IVF, which produced three eggs. My e2 only went up to 392 from 277, my lining was 10 and I had the following follicles: Left – 12mm, 10mm and 6 less than 10mm; Right – 19mm, 18mm, 16mm, 13mm and 5 less than 10mm.

My nurse, Nurse D, said that I was stimming faster than they anticipated and that they tried to call Mr. M’s doctor to do the PESA this week so they could do the retrieval this week. Mr. M’s doc was out of town and they wanted me to stay on my meds and come in for an ultrasound and blood work on Thursday to see if the smaller ones would catch up, even though we would “lose” the bigger ones. This was on recommendations from the other doctor at my RE’s office, and I feel that she jacked up my first cycle while my RE was out. I asked Nurse D to check and see if it was possible that they could get at least nine eggs like they did for IVF#2 and that if not, I thought it was better to cancel this cycle and regroup. My follicles have never all contained an egg – last time I had eleven large follicles and nine eggs. Nurse D checked with my RE, who was not in the office but was tracked down, and she did not think this cycle would produce an appropriate amount of eggs and she 100% agreed that we should cancel the cycle and “regroup”. I felt this way about IVF#1 but I listened to their advice and did not speak up or advocate for myself. I am so relieved that I did not do the same thing this time. I told Nurse D that I would like the RE to really think about a different protocol and she said that they already discussed that. They do not have an answer as to why I responded so well the second time and overstimmed for #1 and #3 – they said it just happens but maybe they will come up with a solution. In the meantime, I am going to submit my information to CCRM and try to have a phone consult with them.

So I have to take Provera for ten days and wait for the mother of all periods. My RE is supposed to get back to me next week with their plan – retrievals start again the week of January 18. I am so, so grateful that this did not turn into a great big mess where I would beat myself up for not canceling. I am going to try and lose some weight – Nurse D said that I did not need to for IVF purposes – but I told her I needed to for clothes-fitting purposes! I also asked her about the caffeine and she said that all of the literature says that one cup a day is more than acceptable but that if I could cut it out completely, I should. So I will try to do that as well. On to IVF#4 sometime in January – maybe here, maybe at CCRM if I do not feel my RE is confident in a revised protocol.

Stims Day 4 – Blech – e2 Obsession

1 12 2008

My e2 level today was 277 – they did not check follies. I was really upset at first – my e2 level on day 4 last time was 837. So of course, I was thinking that this cycle is doomed, etc. etc. but then I thought that slower may be better – I will stim all week and trigger on Sunday – so I am trying to calm myself down. The whole point of this cycle is to get more eggs – due to male factor, we need all of the % we can get with our embies. I am blaming myself – I have been drinking caffeine – although I did last time a little bit too, I am not doing acupuncture this time and I started a new vitamin with DHA.

It was weird – my baseline e2 was only 25 this time and it was 75….this is my third IVF this year – am I becoming desensitized to the meds????

So if anyone has any input as to the fluctuations in e2 cycle to cycle, I would love to hear from you.

I am going in again tomorrow for another e2 check and an ultrasound.

Stims – Day 3

30 11 2008

This has been quite a week. As soon as we got home from the funeral, we headed to my dad’s house, which is like six hours away. We did the typical Thanksgiving stuff – my sister had her beautiful baby with her and my stepsister had her baby and toddler as well. It did not bother me to be around them, for which I am grateful. There is so little serenity in this process so I will take what I can get. I did not watch my caffeine intake so I really have to get on that starting today.

Today is stim day 3 – we got home so late last night that I prepared my AM dose of gonal f and left it on my nightstand. My alarm went off at 7:10 and I literally rolled over, got the syringe, stuck it in my gut and went back to sleep.

Oh, my baseline check on Wednesday revealed that I had 8 follies on each side and my e2 was 25. I forgot to ask what my lining was.

I go in for an e2 check tomorrow.

Oh – I think we sold our house, which has been on the market for about a year – so I have to go house hunting today. I really want to get it done before January – however, I am really busy at work and I really did not want to be a big ball of stress this month…

Oh the Places You Will Inject

26 11 2008

We got back from the funeral last night – I want to complain about how tired I am and how I do not want to drive 40 minutes out of the way for my date with the ultrasound wand but after seeing this 28 year old widow for three days, I find it pretty hard to complain about anything. I am so glad I went with DH – I am going to start calling him Mr. M – I loved being his support. I feel so bad for her – we go back to our lives and her life is shattered – she has a 2 yr old son and I just hurt for her.

So, the lupron headache continues – I have tried aspirin, excedrin, tylenol but it is a tenacious bast**d. I will be reducing my dose on Friday when I start stims so hopefully it will relent. After Friday, no more choice of drugs – it will be solely ES tylenol.

I have been breaking the chains of IVF – last time, I would not have gone with Mr. M because of the shots – but – this time, I injected in the Barnes and Noble bathroom, the bathroom at the funeral home and in the car on the way home on the turnpike. I am getting a lot more bruising from it this time – who cares, I feel free!!!

I have my baseline today – it is a bit early – I am usually on lupron a day or two longer but due to the holidays, it is a few days early.

Happy Turkey Day everybody – THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

Lupron Headache; Caffeine Question

21 11 2008

Okay, so you know where I said I was going to kick IVF’s a** this time, well the fight is on, me – 1, IVF – 1. I am getting really bad headaches from the lupron – I did for IVF#1 but not for IVF#2, weird, right? Also, it is time for me to cut down on my caffeine 😦 😦 I quit completely weeks and weeks prior to IVF#1, limited myself to under 2 cups a day for IVF#2 and I think I will cut it out completely this time – what have all of you done?

We are going to be traveling for my DH’s friend’s services and funeral this weekend. I just want to be there to support DH – I will be setting up an office at the hotel – I am getting CRUSHED at work – lucky for me, the work is enjoyable. We had a meeting to go to with our client at his adversary’s office this morning – as usual, I was the only woman. I have gotten more comfortable with it – I pretty much have to be an uber-bit** or else I get harassed, not taken seriously or ignored. Today’s meeting was a success – the other guy kept trying to bait my client but lucky for us, my client did not respond in kind.

A** Kicking

19 11 2008

The hockey game was great – it was so nice to be with my husband and his son all night. It is so hard with our schedules to do fun things as a family.

Giving myself the shot of lupron in the bathroom was no problem – it gave me hope that I will be able to still be out and about during this cycle. I always canceled events and stayed home to administer my shots – but no more. I am thinking of IVF as a force of some sort to be reckoned with – and I am not going to let it kick my a** for another cycle – at least not yet! Seriously, I think about how many things I have missed and how tunnel visioned I was during the first two – especially the second. It is like when I used to smoke – everything revolved around when I could smoke my next cigarette. With IVF, everything for me revolved around giving myself the shots, hiding myself away just in case the meds turned me into one of the woman in the Tina Fey/et. al skit about birth control pills – http://www.nerve.com/CS/blogs/scanner/archive/2008/02/25/video-of-the-day-snl-quot-annuale-quot-skit-you-missed-while-busy-changing-your-tampon.aspx

If you have not seen this skit – it is a must see.

At any rate, I am going to kick IVF’s a** for a change. At least until stims…