It is Monday morning and I am so glad to be home. I went to my hometown for my niece’s first birthday party yesterday. The weekend started out with my father telling stories about growing up and how poor our family was. One of my great grandmothers had 12, yes 12 kids and my other great grandmother had 11, yes, 11 kids. I cannot even think about that – and that perhaps the fertility gene was smoked in my body.
I have to say, I love my niece, she is an angel and my sister let me hug, hold, kiss and squeeze her the entire day – I totally monopolized her. Well, there were about 30 people at the party and about 10 kids. I was the only woman – not just of childbearing age – but the only freaking woman at the party with no child. There were old women, very old women, my sister, my stepsisters, etc. etc. and they all had their kids their with them. On top of that, my stepsister is pregnant for the third time in 3 years – and she has a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. My sister’s sister-in-law is also pregnant and had a big, beautiful bump.
I just went someplace else in my head and I was completely numb – which is good, saved me from crying and blubbering all over the cake and decorations. It also kept me from interrupting the bash for our special announcement of our special delivery – our sperm has arrived at our clinic! It arrived safe and sound on Friday – today is CD 11 so hopefully the IUI will be this week sometime. I am really tired of not being pregnant and not having a baby.
I only almost started to cry once when I was talking to my aunt – my mother (I rarely speak to my mother, that is an Opr.ah show of its own) gave her some of the details. This sucks, it really sucks.
I am trying to keep my hopes up for the IUI – although I am starting to have doubt about a natural cycle – there is no way that will work, right????? I mean come on – the thought that I could get knocked up without taking any meds is CRAZY. Also, I hear one should do it at least 3-6 times before giving up and going to a medicated cycle.
I have to say – looking at all of the women at this party – I know most of them and the fact that they got pregnant the old-fashioned way is giving me hope. Not that having a stranger’s sperm pumped into my uterus with a catheter by a someone I do not even know on a first name basis is the old fashioned way, but it is as close as I am going to get! More on natural selection as it relates to the correct sperm swimming into my egg later. It has been nice to catch up with everyone – sorry to see some more bfns….it is so wrong…and happy to see What If get a bfp.