Circling the Wagons

7 11 2008

My embryologist is awesome – she had the lab manager and my doctor meet her to discuss my embryos and DH’s sperm today. The consensus is that a MESA would most likely not produce radically better sperm. So we will do another PESA. I finally feel like I understand our cycles – and even with my RE not doing the best job explaining things, I actually now see that my clinic is probably kicking ass with what we are giving them.


Call with Embryologist

6 11 2008

I feel much better – I talked with the embryologist at my RE’s and she was very, very helpful – she gave me the details I was looking for from my RE. First, she said that, in her experience, sperm retrieved from PESA and MESA is typical to what they are finding in my DH. I asked about the low fertilization rate and she said actually the 4/9 that fertilized last time was really good for PESA and that it is 60-70% for sperm retrieved from, let’s call it manual, methods. I asked her if she thought MESA would be better than PESA and she actually said that she does not see a big difference in the sperm and that there is not a statistically large difference in pregnancy rates with PESA and MESA – she did not have the exact numbers but will call me tomorrow. She is going to nail my RE – you know, one of the “best doctors” in the country – and get her definitive opinion on whether MESA would be worth it. Our insurance probably will not cover it and it would be about 8k just for the MESA – we are willing to do it if it is worth it. I am going to google the shit out of the pregnancy rates between MESA and PESA. For those of you reading – thank you for your support – your comments help me keep my sanity!

No Words

6 11 2008

I have been doing a lot of soul searching since my last post. I have also been reading way too much – it has been my escape and it pretty much took me over! Most of this has been a reaction to going through my medical records from my RE’s office. I requested them when I knew I wanted a second opinion. I read through them and the lab made notes about DH’s sperm – how bad it was. With IVF#1 they had to add a chemical to it to even make it move…with IVF#2 they were all shaped wrong and it took a long time to find any to inject into my eggs. First, I was royally pissed that my RE did not say anything about this – it is like, hey I know you are busy but not to even read my whole file or communicate with the lab before my WTF appointment is unforgivable.

So, I called my DH’s urologist to ask about doing a MESA next time (this is after MY research on the internet to see what else we could do) – we have been doing PESAs. The urologist said that we could get much more sperm doing a MESA and that it could result in better quality sperm but that it cost 8k. I called our insurance company and they cover two of the three procedure codes for it. So I then called the urologist’s office back to get a number for out of pocket costs – she said she would call me back on Tuesday – no call back yet.

So at this point, I almost have no words for the anger and frustration I am feeling. If the sperm are an issue, then it is almost obvious that it is chromosomal issues with the embryos.

My RE is the best in our city so it it very disturbing that this is occurring – I am going to another renowned hospital’s fertility center for my second opinion – their success rate is a bit lower than my RE’s.

I could start on IVF#3 on November 18 with my RE if I want to. I am really tempted – they got me pregnant twice – if we can get better sperm with a MESA – IVF#3 could do it. It would also save me from starting over someplace else. If IVF#3 with MESA does not work, I will go out of pocket, out of the state if I have to.

I guess I feel like a martyr – why do I have to do my freaking RE’s job?

Follow Up Appointment with RE

27 10 2008

Well, my follow up appointment with my RE was pretty anticlimactic. She said that she did not think that there was an issue with my eggs, with my DH’s sperm or with any possible recurrent early pregnancy loss issue. She stated that this was because their protocol covers most of those reasons, e.g. I take baby aspirin during my cycle, would take care of clotting issues, am on folic acid, would take care of other issues. That does not really make sense to me – I hear of plenty of women taking other medicines for clotting disorders, etc. So I told her that while this may be the case medically, I could not psychologically move on without having some testing. I did have an hsg prior to starting so the old uterus looks fine I guess. I had a host of blood tests done in 2005 for an unrelated issue so she looked at those results and wrote an order for all other blood tests. She really thinks it was due to chromosomal issues. But then she says I have a 50% chance of a healthy pregnancy – I was overwhelmed at this point so all I said was “50%??” and she said, “I bet you do not believe that but it is true” like it is a good thing??????? I guess I am greedy but I think 50% sucks. And if it was just two genetic flukes in a row, why is it 50%? This RE has been voted one of the best doctors in the universe or some shit like that so I am trying to keep that in mind while I self diagnose myself and re-write my own protocol. But I was annoyed like all get out because I waited for her for like a half hour…………she also said my lining was good – 16 both times, which I thought may be too thick. She does not want to up my meds if I try again for fear that I may hyperstimulate – my estrogen was pretty high last time.

So she said I could cycle again when I am ready – I am not ready – not ready at all. I need more time to recover – I also need more time to prepare myself if I have another loss if we try again. She also said that some of this blood work may take some time to come back – does not matter to me. I also made another appointment at another IVF clinic for a second opinion on November 18. I did not tell this RE that I was going to do that – she does not seem like the sharing thoughts with another doctor type.

Then my nurse coordinator came in after the doctor left – the woman I have cried with on the phone, the woman who told me about both of my losses – and I started to cry a little when she asked me how I was doing – I was trying not to cry so hard that when I spoke I sounded like a freaking man, I swear it. She is really sweet, gave me a hug and is really pulling for me.

I really am scared shitless to try again – I really want to get through the holidays first and really, really get into a good place mentally.